I personally don't do social media or if I do it's once in a blue moon and to share something rather that consume or digest information.
I even have a problem with YT kids, but it's a reflection of society as most of the content just as most of the content on social media in general is from the white majority and mostly American. I don't want to normalise something that doesn't feel anything like my lived experience and how my daughter will probably interact and experience the wider culture and society.
So no, I'm not a fan of social media either for myself or my daughter who is now 3. I know parents of children this age have already given them a phone or tablet to keep them amused but no, that's not on the agenda at all.
I wish we were in the country or in a country where there is more opportunity for outside play and exploration as this is how I spent my childhood.
Thanks so much for your thoughts Florence. I really appreciate you highlighting the 'American white majority' factor as that's a whole other angle I hadn't considered. We completely avoid YT Kids too. I know some of their friends watch it as though it's a TV channel, but I got scared off it by a piece I read years ago about the algorithms on that and how they can end up watching stuff that appears banal but is actually really weird/scary.
It's a real challenge to navigate it all. I hear a lot of parents lamenting the fact that their kids don't play outside like they used to, but we've also become scared of the real world and giving them the freedom to do that.
Hi, Jo - very happy to provide a different perspective. Our daughter (14) is on Instagram, and it has been a generally positive experience for her and for us.
She is and has always been an extravert performer child, so when she turned 13 (when you are allowed to go on Instagram) she asked if she could have an account. We said yes, subject to some important rules:
* She must tell us immediately if she is uncomfortable with anything going on
* Full access to her account at any time from me and my wife (so we can check her DMs etc)
* Strictly no personal details (where she lives, her full name, her school etc.)
This is on top of the usual smartphone rules for her and her brother (consistently, if not perfectly, enforced):
* Screen time maxed at 2 hours per day
* No screens after 7pm
* No phones in bedrooms overnight
She is a "content creator" so she films videos of herself singing, acting, dancing, as well as the "get ready with me" and "get unready with me" chats. As her followers have grown, she has also used it to talk about things that are important to her like animal testing, and she has talked about the challenges of friendship issues, too.
We have seen a lot of the upsides you reference, in terms of self-confidence and self-expression. She has also made friendships with girls her age from Australia, Serbia and the USA - and collaborated with them. We have not (yet, at least) seen the downsides cited in the studies. Although there have been some trolls, they are rare and are "water off a duck's" back to her (she sometimes even makes fun of them); there have been no sinister/ sexual approaches at all; and nothing on suicide/ eating disorders.
Perhaps we have been lucky, but for these reasons, for our daughter, the benefits seem to be outweighing the disadvantages. And we are happy that although this is something that is meaningful for her, it is only a part of the many activities and hobbies she has.
The social media that has caused most problems is WhatsApp - as it means that the various friendship group dramas bleed into the evenings and weekends. We have had far more tears and heartache with this than anything else - and my wife and I have had to console and advise her on multiple occasions. I'm not sure that taking her off WhatsApp would be a good idea - but the screen time limit/ no phones after 7 rule does help.
All kids are different - so what works for one might not work for another. But this has been our experience.
As ever James, really great to have your perspective. I found her Instagram as I was intrigued and she's clearly really enjoying it and getting a lot of positive interactions from it. I hadn't heard of the concept of 'get ready with me' so I was interested to understand what that was too.
I wonder if all her friends are using it in the way she is, or is there a difference between the 'creators' and the 'consumers'? I guess it's not usual for kids to have the size of following she does? I can see she is a performer and it offers her a way to express that.
If I'm honest, I do find I'm feeling uneasy about it, but I think that's a fear response for me because it's unknown/outside of my own lived experience. I can see how it's a positive thing for her, and hear you with all the ways you are parenting to ensure it stays that way.
I can't work out where I sit with WhatsApp. There will always be dramas...so on one hand it's a shame it enables them to spread outside of school life, but on the other hand it does enable parents to offer more support and coaching as they navigate them.
I definintely feel like we are on the brink of a new phase here, so I'm really glad to have had your input and the opportunity to keep learning/reflecting.
Thanks, Jo! It's uncharted territory for all us parents, and my wife and I still have concerns/ reservations.
You are right that there is a difference between 'creators' and 'consumers'. Most of her friends would not be comfortable at all with this level of profile - and indeed they all have a private Instagram group where they can all interact with each other. There aren't many girls with the size of following she has (as far as I am aware) - but there are certainly a number across the world, some of whom she has been getting to know a bit.
Ultimately, she loves it, it's very "her", and we feel at least vaguely in control of the situation. If things change, I'll certainly let you know!
I personally don't do social media or if I do it's once in a blue moon and to share something rather that consume or digest information.
I even have a problem with YT kids, but it's a reflection of society as most of the content just as most of the content on social media in general is from the white majority and mostly American. I don't want to normalise something that doesn't feel anything like my lived experience and how my daughter will probably interact and experience the wider culture and society.
So no, I'm not a fan of social media either for myself or my daughter who is now 3. I know parents of children this age have already given them a phone or tablet to keep them amused but no, that's not on the agenda at all.
I wish we were in the country or in a country where there is more opportunity for outside play and exploration as this is how I spent my childhood.
Thanks so much for your thoughts Florence. I really appreciate you highlighting the 'American white majority' factor as that's a whole other angle I hadn't considered. We completely avoid YT Kids too. I know some of their friends watch it as though it's a TV channel, but I got scared off it by a piece I read years ago about the algorithms on that and how they can end up watching stuff that appears banal but is actually really weird/scary.
It's a real challenge to navigate it all. I hear a lot of parents lamenting the fact that their kids don't play outside like they used to, but we've also become scared of the real world and giving them the freedom to do that.
Hi, Jo - very happy to provide a different perspective. Our daughter (14) is on Instagram, and it has been a generally positive experience for her and for us.
She is and has always been an extravert performer child, so when she turned 13 (when you are allowed to go on Instagram) she asked if she could have an account. We said yes, subject to some important rules:
* She must tell us immediately if she is uncomfortable with anything going on
* Full access to her account at any time from me and my wife (so we can check her DMs etc)
* Strictly no personal details (where she lives, her full name, her school etc.)
This is on top of the usual smartphone rules for her and her brother (consistently, if not perfectly, enforced):
* Screen time maxed at 2 hours per day
* No screens after 7pm
* No phones in bedrooms overnight
She is a "content creator" so she films videos of herself singing, acting, dancing, as well as the "get ready with me" and "get unready with me" chats. As her followers have grown, she has also used it to talk about things that are important to her like animal testing, and she has talked about the challenges of friendship issues, too.
We have seen a lot of the upsides you reference, in terms of self-confidence and self-expression. She has also made friendships with girls her age from Australia, Serbia and the USA - and collaborated with them. We have not (yet, at least) seen the downsides cited in the studies. Although there have been some trolls, they are rare and are "water off a duck's" back to her (she sometimes even makes fun of them); there have been no sinister/ sexual approaches at all; and nothing on suicide/ eating disorders.
Perhaps we have been lucky, but for these reasons, for our daughter, the benefits seem to be outweighing the disadvantages. And we are happy that although this is something that is meaningful for her, it is only a part of the many activities and hobbies she has.
The social media that has caused most problems is WhatsApp - as it means that the various friendship group dramas bleed into the evenings and weekends. We have had far more tears and heartache with this than anything else - and my wife and I have had to console and advise her on multiple occasions. I'm not sure that taking her off WhatsApp would be a good idea - but the screen time limit/ no phones after 7 rule does help.
All kids are different - so what works for one might not work for another. But this has been our experience.
As ever James, really great to have your perspective. I found her Instagram as I was intrigued and she's clearly really enjoying it and getting a lot of positive interactions from it. I hadn't heard of the concept of 'get ready with me' so I was interested to understand what that was too.
I wonder if all her friends are using it in the way she is, or is there a difference between the 'creators' and the 'consumers'? I guess it's not usual for kids to have the size of following she does? I can see she is a performer and it offers her a way to express that.
If I'm honest, I do find I'm feeling uneasy about it, but I think that's a fear response for me because it's unknown/outside of my own lived experience. I can see how it's a positive thing for her, and hear you with all the ways you are parenting to ensure it stays that way.
I can't work out where I sit with WhatsApp. There will always be dramas...so on one hand it's a shame it enables them to spread outside of school life, but on the other hand it does enable parents to offer more support and coaching as they navigate them.
I definintely feel like we are on the brink of a new phase here, so I'm really glad to have had your input and the opportunity to keep learning/reflecting.
Thanks, Jo! It's uncharted territory for all us parents, and my wife and I still have concerns/ reservations.
You are right that there is a difference between 'creators' and 'consumers'. Most of her friends would not be comfortable at all with this level of profile - and indeed they all have a private Instagram group where they can all interact with each other. There aren't many girls with the size of following she has (as far as I am aware) - but there are certainly a number across the world, some of whom she has been getting to know a bit.
Ultimately, she loves it, it's very "her", and we feel at least vaguely in control of the situation. If things change, I'll certainly let you know!