A 2-hour energy boost that has lasted weeks

I went to a Women's Circle and it made me annoyingly energetic

I was invited by a friend to go to a Women’s Circle. It was being run by Emma, a friend of hers who is exploring new avenues and wanted to give it a go. Obviously I said yes, even though I didn’t really know what it involved.

I loved it! Although I think it’s made me a bit annoying for Deri. I came away all fired up and energetic and I keep having ‘good ideas’. It was one thing when these bursts were limited to home life (this time a new decorating project, growing vegetables, and a party) but now I work with him too, so he can’t even escape from me there. He hasn’t said anything, but I can feel him looking at me slightly glazed over, like, ‘bloody hell woman, what now? I’ve got a lot going on already’.

Two magical hours

We were only there for a couple of hours, at Emma’s house. I hadn’t met her before, but she hugged me when we arrived as though we were friends and set the tone for an intimate evening. She made us cacao in her kitchen with fancy nibbles - pistachios, dark chocolate, dried fruit. I always thought cacao was a pretentious word for hot chocolate but it’s actually a whole different thing.

When we entered the cosy basement room she had prepared, I was blown away. A ring of flowers and candles on the floor, a placename next to a cushion for each of us with a white rose and a gemstone. Soft music playing. I told Deri about all this he said he thought she had ‘massively overdelivered’. When he goes to his men’s group it’s in a scout hut and all you get is a chair. But this is one of many reasons I love being a woman - we just do stuff, well, better.

Emma ‘opened the circle’ and lay down a few ground rules. The Fight Club rule, no interruptions or advice, no judgement. She led a guided meditation. In it, we awakened in a dark cave and stepped towards the light to find ourselves in a garden. Sat under a tree we grew roots deep into the core of the Earth, and tendrils up to the stars so we were held in the Universe. We thought about what was within us that wanted to break free. Immediately after we wrote in our notebooks what had come up for us. I had a lot of feelings in that short time.

From cave into Spring. Lots of energy. Wanted my body to move, imagined feeling strong, tanned by sunshine on bare skin, leaping, moving, playing. Happy memory - blossom falling from tree like confetti on day after our wedding. Idea of being tethered to ground made me feel very anxious and panicked. I’m stuck. Let me go. I’m stuck here. ‘What would the Earth say to you?’ ‘Be free, my child’. Tendrils to the sky. They found 5 stars. My loves. Deri and my babies. I wrapped my arms around them. Love. Security.

I find it interesting to reflect on these feelings. Emma told me afterwards that the roots thing is intended to make people feel secure and held. But I felt panicked and stuck. That’s something to think about.

The best bit, I think, is we got to share our feelings with the group. And the group just listened for as long as everyone needed. When does that ever happen in life? When do you get to start at the beginning of a thought and follow it through all the twists and turns and find the end without someone interjecting, offering you advice, or sympathy, or getting distracted? It’s a powerful thing.

I wanted to ask more questions and prompt people on what I heard them say, but I’m aware that’s my counselling training kicking in. I had to metaphorically sit on my hands with that one and recognise it for what it is.

The next bit was fun. We stood up, closed our eyes and danced. Emma had carefully selected some great tunes. I’ve written about my 3am kitchen disco and the power of movement for stress release, so I didn’t need any convincing that this opportunity to release some emotion was a good one.

I can’t exactly recall the order of things now. We lit candles and wrote down affirmations and planted sage seeds in a little pot to represent each one. We were offered the opportunity to pick a tarot card. I got The Wastelands which is, apparently, a powerful one. It tells you to be careful to nurture your land sufficiently or else it will dry out. ‘Sustainability. Slow Down. Tend To Your Garden’. I possibly haven’t heeded that warning. Finally, I was super excited to discover that we could live my vision of a ‘fuck you fire circle’. We got to write down something we wanted to let go of and we went outside and burnt them.

Then we all hugged each other and went home clutching our white rose, gemstone, and pot of sage seeds. It was about 10.30pm on a Sunday and I was buzzing. I’d usually be in my pjs heading up the stairs.

Why did we lose this ritual?

Women's circles have been a part of human history for thousands of years. I’m no historian, but I can vividly imagine women of many cultures and times gathered together in circles to share their experiences, wisdom, and to support each other. Important also for rites of passage, such as childbirth, menstruation, marriage, and menopause, and for passing down cultural heritage from one generation to the next.

I imagine there are places in the world where this still happens, but most of us lost it along the way. And I am sure we are worse for it.

The industrial era, the digital era - we celebrate these things as ‘progress’ and collectively keep pushing for more, but we don’t acknowledge what we lose as a result. Connection. We think the world is better connected than ever, but it’s a fallacy. It’s nothing compared to the connection of sitting next to someone in silence whilst they trust you with their most private thoughts and fears.

I need more of that.

The after-effects of the Women’s Circle have reverberated in me for two weeks now, but I think it’s fading with time. I feel like a connection junkie and I want another hit of the good stuff. I’ve sent Emma encouraging messages and she’s committed to another one at Summer Solstice. Hurrah! Deri…you have been warned.